If there is one thing I have learned in seven years of circumnavigating the globe – I AM GOING TO BE OK.
I have also learned more and more that “Whatever my lot, I can say IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.”
There is also time of “chaos” yet seeing the last statement the other day on someones Facebook post – simply reminded me of the TRUTH. Reminded me to stand up and live from the place of a “well soul”. There is still “chaos” but it is well with my soul.
Pain & JOY. These go together. They are not mutually exclusive, yet we live in a society that does everything it can to avoid feeling pain. In the last few weeks I have felt pain like never before. Deep pain. Yet in the midst of pain there has been JOY and CELEBRATION. A part of me knows I need to feel more pain and knows that it will come, but right now I need to keep going, to keep fighting for my family.
DIRECTION: The LORD LEADS.
I am looking forward to 2012 with great anticipation and HOPE.
2011 it is almost over. Honestly it feels good to make it to the end of this year. I am anticipating NEW things in the coming year. This has been a very TRANSITIONAL year for me and I still do not know where it will lead. There have been good things and also hard things. Actually some of the hardest things I have ever faced in my life.
2011 in somewhat Chronological order:
Oxford — YWAM FAMILY
Tauranga House of Prayer (THOP)- 3 month internship
40 day fast (I made it – and fell in LOVE with JESUS again)
YWAM oxford FAMILY
1 week New Zealand road-trip (Saved a guys life – I still haven’t posted that ridiculous story)
Turned 30 years old
3 more weeks House of Prayer
KONA HAWAII — School of Circuit Riders (5 weeks)
Orange County, CA Outreach
San Diego – Family time
Attended 4 weddings (I value friends)
East Coast Tour 2011 — (connected with people in 6 different states)
My first ever ART BOOTH at a craft fair in San Diego
My second and more official ART booth at the Del Mar fair grounds Holiday ART Fair. (I actually sold some things at this one!)
DEATH– my Dad was killed in a car accident – DEC 10th, 2011 (this was/is the hardest thing I have ever faced)
“Preached” the best/hardest sermon I have ever shared – DEC 17, 2011 at my Dads CELEBRATION of LIFE Memorial. (maybe I will post some thoughts from this word at a later date)
It has been difficult to look back in this time. DEATH is never an “easy” thing to deal with. I look back at the “fogginess” that I have felt during this transitional year. One of the biggest things that took place in me this year was LETTING GO. Letting go of the AW80 DTS. For the first time in 7 years I did not travel around the world this year. I did go half way around, down to New Zealand, but then I returned straight back to America. For the last Seven years I have been leaving New Zealand with a 16-24 flight itinerary, literally taking me around the world. This pattern, this “rut”, is not an easy one to let go of.
We often get into routines in life, ruts if you will and for the last few years my rut has been circumnavigating the world. This comes with many blessings as well as difficulties. It is a lifestyle of movement. Of loving on the go. Connecting and letting go of people frequently. Yet in this TRANSITION, this letting go of ONE season and not knowing the next season, the LORD drew me back to HIM. Back to the place of intimacy. The place of PRAYER. Through fasting and prayer I returned to the place of HIS PRESENCE. I let go of leading people, organizing things and “making it happen” — I can really do nothing on my own strength anyway. I don’t think that I forgot that, but still I seemed to need to return to it. To return to that place of dependence.
Following the inner compass
Now back to the “fogginess” and perceived “lack of clarity” I have been feeling. One of my greatest desires is to listen to the LORD and follow His leading (Psalm 16:8-11). This “idea” is something that we hear often, yet in my life this desire has set me on a path that drastically looks different than most Americans. I do not have a “steady pay-check,” I do not really even have a steady address. Yet the LORD has shown Himself faithful by providing and guiding.
Throughout this year I have been looking for the next 5 year plan. Seeking a WORD of clear direction and guidance. Hoping some ‘gurru preacher’ who is way more spiritual than I, would pray for me and spell out the 10 year plan I desire! Yet this did not happen and I don’t think God works that way. Sometimes He only shows me a few months at a time. And throughout this season my goal has been to live each day the best that I can and LOVE the people that are around me.
A couple months back I found myself in America for the first time in seven years without an EXIT ticket. The cool thing was that I was not freaking out! A few weeks after that initial return to the country I found myself with some space to dive into some ART ventures, which have been on my heart for a long time. A few weeks later I was faced with the hardest thing I have ever faced in my entire life – the news that my dad was killed in a car accident.
He was a diabetic and had some issues with his blood sugar, he went into a diabetic coma and ended up crashing into a tree and dieing on impact. In the days following the news, in the midst of the pain and the tears, there was a glimpse of the LORDS grace, purpose and hand in the midst of it all. In the midst of my own feeling of confusion I was still following the still small voice, the compass within guiding me to be right where I was suppose to be in this time.
I was able to have some good time with my dad before he went HOME and now I am here to support my mom and my sister until it is time to move on. YET the “clarity” only comes in the “looking” back. Thank you Jesus for guiding my steps. For leading my feet to this moment.
Forgive me for my doubt, my fear, my unbelief, I repent of that CRAP.
I BELIEVE. I believe in your GOODNESS, your MERCY your guidance and your leadership. I believe. I BELIEVE in your RESURRECTION. I believe that 2012 will be a year of RESURRECTION, a year of MIRACLES. A year of NEW THINGS. A year of REVIVAL in many ways. I BELIEVE reformation is coming. I believe I will be OK. I BELIEVE my family will be OK. I BELIEVE. I BELIEVE.
2012 – I say COME ON!!
(Note: I own none of the rights to the images posted on this blog except for the last 2012 shot. The other images were all sourced from the internet)